Chapter 144: It Was All Wishful Thinking on My Part

I could only stand rooted to the spot, helplessly watching as a group of them dragged Fleeting Firefly away. My heart was filled with utter despair—and yet there was nothing I could do.

I turned my head aside and looked at Purple Lotus through tear-filled eyes, sobbing, “Master, you know perfectly well that Senior Sister Fleeting Firefly is innocent. Why didn’t you step forward and stop Grandmaster Uncle and the others? Why? Why didn’t you go and help her?”

Purple Lotus cast me a cold glance. “And you? Why didn’t you go and help her?”

“I… I was afraid.” I lowered my head, not daring to look at his face, and answered him in a small voice. “I wanted to help her, but I was terrified. I was already frightened when Grandmaster Uncle brought everyone to surround Clear Water Tower. I never imagined that one day I would be surrounded by so many people, each of them accusing me with such righteous indignation, each glaring at me with fury, as though I had committed some monstrous crime… I am not a good person. I…”

The more I spoke, the more despicable I felt.

“Not long ago, I told you that you would do well to keep your distance from the affairs between your Second Grandmaster Uncle and Fleeting Firefly. You must not let your curiosity tempt you to meddle. Now that someone has found an object belonging to the demons and handed it to your Grandmaster Uncle, judging by his usual principles, if he did not seize Fleeting Firefly, then you might have been the one taken away.”

His gaze drifted into the distance as he stood in the wind. After a long while, he continued, “You are not an ordinary human, nor do you belong to the Celestial Realm. You concealed your identity and secretly came to Lingyun Mountain disguised as a mortal. That alone violates the rules of Lingyun Mountain. And you are a young girl who has deliberately dressed yourself as a man. Though that does not violate the rules of Lingyun Mountain, it does go against the conditions I laid down when I accepted you as my disciple.”

As Purple Lotus spoke of all the wrongs I had committed in a voice devoid of anger or reproach, his face expressionless, I thought that this day had come far too soon. Since leaving the Demon Realm and becoming his disciple, only one season had passed—so little time that I had scarcely had the chance to look back and remember it. Yet the day when the truth would be laid bare had arrived so quickly. Perhaps this so-called repayment of a debt was destined to end here and now.

“Master.”

Choking back my tears, I called him Master once more and whispered, “Are you preparing to settle the account with Little Fish?”

“Settle the account.” He repeated the words softly, as though only now recalling them. Then he lifted his eyes. “Now that such a thing has happened today, it is indeed time for me to settle those accounts with you properly.”

With that, he said nothing more. He did not turn back to look at me again, but simply turned and walked toward Azure Cloud Pavilion.

I wanted to call him back, yet I felt that I no longer had the right to call him Master. Only after the sound of his footsteps had faded into the distance did I find the courage to turn and look at his vanishing figure.

Too much deception would inevitably wound both others and oneself.

In an instant, my tears fell like rain.

Was this the end of our relationship? From now on, he would be an exalted immortal of the Celestial Realm, while I would once again become the carefree princess of the Demon Realm.

As I watched the last crimson glow left behind by the setting sun, my heart twisted painfully once more. Returning to the past would be fine. I could drink a cup of Forgetting River water and simply forget him.

But I was unwilling. I was still unwilling.

I had waited for more than three thousand years, and only now had I finally been given the chance to draw so close to him. How could I willingly leave him like this?

I stood alone outside Clear Water Tower, quietly lost in thought. As darkness gradually descended, I still neither wished nor dared to enter Azure Cloud Pavilion and face him. His words continued to circle through my mind: It is time to settle the account with me.

I did not know what accounts he meant. Was it the fact that I had disguised myself as a man and infiltrated Lingyun Mountain to become his disciple? Or the fact that I had pretended to be a mortal and entered Lingyun Mountain to take him as my master?

When night had fallen completely, and I could no longer make out the emerald lotuses in the pond before me, I finally turned and walked slowly toward Azure Cloud Pavilion.

There was no escaping it. I knew that some matters could not be resolved simply by avoiding them. When he had rescued me from the four bamboo demons, when he had discovered that I was not a man but a girl dressed in red, I should have confessed everything to him. I should have told him the truth. At the very least, my heart had not yet become so deeply entangled as it was now.

When I reached the entrance of Azure Cloud Pavilion, I hesitated for a while. In the end, I raised my hand and gently knocked several times.

Knock, knock, knock…

The sound of my knocking was surely quieter than the pounding of my heart. At least, that was how it seemed to me.

After a long while, not the slightest sound came from within. Thinking that I had knocked too softly and that he had not heard me, I raised my hand and struck the door several more times, harder than before.

“Come in.”

After a long silence, his voice finally came from inside.

I kept my head bowed, my eyes fixed on the tips of my shoes, and stepped over the threshold. Slowly, I walked toward him.

“Master, Little Fish knows she was wrong.”

When I was about ten paces away, I dropped to my knees before him. I bent deeply forward, not daring to raise my head and look at his face, afraid that I would see anger in his eyes at having been deceived, or disappointment in me.

“You are too far away. Come closer.”

After a moment, he spoke.

“Yes, Master.”

I slowly rose from the floor and took several more steps forward. When I was about five paces away, I knelt before him again and bowed deeply.

“Master, your disciple knows she was wrong. Whether you wish to strike me or punish me today, Little Fish will not complain in the slightest.”

“Striking and punishment are reserved for a disciple of mine.” His tone shifted as he continued, “You. Tell me. What is your true identity, and why did you infiltrate Lingyun Mountain?”

Through my tears, I said, “Master is an exalted immortal of the Celestial Realm, with a position of unparalleled honor. Little Fish knows that her own status is lowly. To be accepted as the disciple of an exalted immortal of the Celestial Realm was a grace bestowed by Heaven itself. Little Fish never intended to remain hidden in this mountain gate forever. I only wanted to stay by Master’s side a little longer.”

After a pause, I continued, “More than a thousand years ago, an exalted immortal of the Celestial Realm happened to pass by Jade Emerald Pool. He saw a little carp struggling in agony upon a lotus leaf after swallowing too much water. Out of kindness, he helped it expel the excess water it had mistakenly taken into its body. That little fish remembered his kindness forever.

“After the immortal left, the little carp began to cultivate with all its strength. It hoped that one day it could shed its original form and take human shape, then find that immortal and repay the debt of his saving its life.

“Finally, more than a thousand years later, it succeeded in transforming into human form. Overjoyed, it escaped the Demon Realm alone, disguised itself as a mortal, and became a disciple beneath that immortal. His only disciple.”

At my words, Purple Lotus frowned slightly. He reached for the wine cup on the table and took a drink. Then, with a puzzled look, he turned his eyes toward me.

“Does this story have some special meaning? And what does it have to do with your identity?”

It seemed he had forgotten the entire matter.

That little carp he had once rescued from Jade Emerald Pool a thousand years ago—now he had truly cast it from his mind.

So in the end, had this so-called repayment of a debt really been nothing more than my own one-sided wish?