Chapter Seven: Disaster Comes Not From What One Eats, But From What One Says, Doesn’t It?

“Can either of you cook?” The princess’s voice was melodious, clear as a nightingale.

Cook… cook? Ming Tian and Gongsun Yuan were both stunned, unable to fathom what this armored princess was up to.

The silver helmet tilted slightly; though her face remained hidden, it was clear her gaze was fixed on Ming Tian. As for Young Master Gongsun, the Princess of Jiangmen dismissed him entirely.

Perhaps realizing this, Gongsun Yuan shot Ming Tian a jealous glare, but dared not make a scene before the princess.

“Princess, did you just say… cook?” Ming Tian asked in bewilderment, his mind in turmoil.

Cook? Wonderful! Damn it, I’m starving. If the princess lets me cook, at least I can make something myself.

Though Ming Tian tried to keep up appearances, he was dizzy with hunger; the mere mention of cooking made him salivate.

“That’s right. Among my tribe, there are no chefs; we subsist mostly on roasted food. Now that I’ve come to the imperial land, I wanted to try something different. Yet I find the food of the Central Plains truly unpalatable. I’ve heard Su Gate Town is famed for its cuisine, so I wanted to ask which one of you can cook?”

Has the translation system malfunctioned again? Why does it sound so poetic?

As Ming Tian hesitated, unsure how to respond, Gongsun Yuan could no longer endure the princess’s disregard.

“Princess.” Without being summoned, Gongsun Yuan stepped forward. “I am well versed in the classics and a member of the gentry. How could mere kitchen skills be beyond me? For me, Gongsun Yuan, it’s but a trivial matter.”

Damn, the art of showing off truly runs through five thousand years of China.

“Oh? I like your confidence.”

Ming Tian’s translation system seemed to return to normal, the princess’s words losing their poetic flavor. She turned to Ming Tian: “And what about you?”

Ming Tian considered; he did want to cook, but winning the princess’s favor might affect tomorrow’s journey to the capital.

So it was better to let the princess choose Gongsun Yuan, and make himself look foolish, supporting Gongsun Yuan from the sidelines.

Ming Tian never believed that “missing a chance to show off is a sign of moral bankruptcy.” He decided to start by lowering her first impression of him.

“Princess, you want us to cook, which is fine, but you’re of royal birth, and yet you keep your helmet on while speaking with us. Isn’t that rather ill-mannered?”

“How dare you!”

The vice general shouted, “You dare show disrespect to the princess?! Such audacity!”

This isn’t a novel—being aloof doesn’t make female characters think the protagonist is charming. Showing off in real life only makes people annoyed. Ming Tian, having been an administrative assistant in his past life, understood the basics of negotiation.

Sure enough, unlike in dramas, the princess neither rebuked the vice general nor found Ming Tian’s behavior charming. She simply remained silent.

Gongsun Yuan looked on with a mocking expression, waiting for the vice general to cut Ming Tian down.

After a moment, the princess raised her head and said, “You mean you want me to remove my helmet?”

“Yes,” Ming Tian nodded. “The Princess of Jiangmen is famed as the most beautiful woman in the land. I, Zhuge, truly wish to see for myself, hence this provocation. Please forgive me.”

“I can remove my helmet, but don’t be frightened.”

“A fair lady is sought by a gentleman. Please, go ahead.”

Ming Tian smiled.

Having seen how ugly ancient women could be, Ming Tian had no hope for her looks. The daughter of the Yue county magistrate, claimed to be the most beautiful woman in Su Gate Town, looked like Feng Dajiang. This so-called most beautiful woman—how beautiful could she really be?

When she removed her helmet, Ming Tian planned to sneer, “So that’s all?” and hoped to be expelled from the tent.

That was Ming Tian’s plan.

If you think the princess is ugly and say so, won’t you be executed? Those who think this are likely socially inept. Ming Tian, a social expert, possessed top-notch intelligence, emotional intelligence, and understanding of people’s psychology.

Initially, his awkwardness was simply due to unfamiliarity with ancient customs. Now, Ming Tian was adapting and could make the right judgments.

Since the princess couldn’t show her face due to her mysterious illness, she couldn’t prove her beauty to outsiders. If she killed someone for calling her ugly, it would be an admission that she wasn’t the most beautiful woman. Most likely, she’d just expel him from the camp.

Assassination? He was leaving for the capital tomorrow—who cared if she tried anything underhanded?

“Alright, you’re right. Even as a princess, it is rude not to show one’s true face.”

Her tone was calm as she raised her hand and removed her helmet.

Gongsun Yuan’s eyes widened like bells, staring unblinkingly at the princess, afraid to miss a moment.

Ming Tian rolled his eyes at his piggish behavior. Ancient standards of beauty were truly questionable; the princess was probably as ugly as a modern art exhibit.

He had no hope for her looks—just hoped she wouldn’t be so ugly he’d retch again, having already vomited that morning.

But reality overturned Ming Tian’s expectations once more.

He wondered if he was the protagonist of some third-rate novel, destined for a eunuch’s fate. Yet as the princess removed her helmet, Ming Tian realized: If I am a novel character, the author must be an idiot! Can’t you just follow a normal plot? What is this nonsense?!

Silver hair, silky as snow, probably washed with soap like Yin Chan—perhaps another transmigrator was beside the princess.

But that wasn’t the point.

The point was: Silver hair!

And skin white as snow, even paler than the fairest European, so delicate that the veins beneath her cheeks were visible.

Crimson eyes, dazzling as newly unearthed red agate.

This was a character only found in anime!

Rather than complain, Ming Tian understood why the princess couldn’t be exposed to sunlight.

It was albinism!

So severe that even her hair was snowy white, and judging by her age, it was probably congenital.

In ancient times, especially in the South and North, or Tang dynasties, royal families often married within to preserve purity of blood, so her albinism likely came from her father’s side, Ming Tian surmised.

Such a degree of albinism was rare; if she stepped into sunlight, her skin would surely melt like butter in a hot pan.

But most importantly: She was beautiful!

Her snow-colored skin and silver hair framed features so exquisitely carved, they seemed sculpted from jade.

Moments ago, Ming Tian had expected her to be ugly, but now he was stunned.

Such beauty, perhaps unmatched even in the modern age.

Was there such a gulf between Su Gate Town’s most beautiful woman and the world’s most beautiful?

“Very ugly, isn’t it?”

But the princess, her beauty tinged with sadness, spoke in a dejected voice, “The title of most beautiful was given by my father to comfort me for my strange white illness. My appearance, as you see, is this half-human, half-ghost ugliness.”

Ugly? If this is ugly, the magistrate’s daughter isn’t even human!

Truthfully, as an administrative assistant, Ming Tian, though a nobody, had seen the upper echelons of society and many beauties—but never one so beautiful.

Plans changed!

Since ancient times, winning the hearts of beauties has been a duty for those who travel between worlds. I’m a diligent employee; how can I neglect such work?

Journey to the capital? Achieving greatness? Damn it! These trivial matters pale before the pursuit of romance!

Ming Tian changed his mind in an instant.

Gongsun Yuan, however, thought differently.

The previously confident young master now collapsed to the ground in terror, trembling as if he’d seen a ghost.

“Demon… demon!!! Help!”

With a splutter, Gongsun Yuan lost control of his bladder in fear.

He scrambled away, crawling and rolling.

Damn, demon? What sort of taste is that? Can you live with yourself, calling out like that? Are you mentally deficient?

Indeed, while Ming Tian saw the Princess of Jiangmen as the pinnacle of beauty, by ancient standards…

No.

White skin, white hair, crimson eyes—in ancient times, this could only be a monster.

But shouting it aloud was a grave mistake.

If dissatisfied with the princess’s appearance, one could simply keep silent and be expelled from the camp. As long as the princess remained unseen, people would still believe she was beautiful.

But to call her a demon…

Ming Tian didn’t know much history, but the princess was kin to the emperor; calling her a demon was surely a crime against the throne.

Sure enough, Gongsun Yuan had no chance to escape. The vice general drew his sword and, with a single thrust, pierced Gongsun Yuan’s throat. He collapsed, a useless corpse.

Skin and bones—he wouldn’t even yield much soap.

Watching Gongsun Yuan’s body carried away, Ming Tian sighed. As for his death, Ming Tian could only say…

How is it my concern?

Weren’t you just showing off? Keep it up! Are you surprised? Feeling cold now? All day long, neglecting your duties to show off—if you haven’t been struck by lightning, you must have accumulated virtue in a past life.

The atmosphere in the tent grew tense; everyone awaited Ming Tian’s reaction.

Looking at the wan princess, Ming Tian ignored the mood and knelt on one knee, uttering words even more reckless than Gongsun Yuan’s.

If I truly am a novel character, if there really is an author, I’d say: You don’t play by the rules? Fine, neither will I. Let’s see who wins!

“Princess, you are so beautiful—marry me!”

…