Chapter Seventy-Two: This Is the Formula of Dramas [Part One]

One has to admit, modern life is incredibly convenient—cars, airplanes, bullet trains, Iron Man and EVA... Wait, something odd seems to have slipped in there. Anyway, people today can move around so easily, unlike in ancient times. The journey from Jiankang to Yangzhou is only sixty kilometers, but in those days, traveling by carriage for a whole day was considered a rush.

It wasn't until dawn the next day that the city walls of Yangzhou appeared on the horizon. The group camped about five kilometers outside the city. Yangzhou is rich with rivers, and two happened to run nearby. Everyone planned to freshen up and tidy themselves before entering the city.

“Ahhh~~~ That’s refreshing!” Ming Tian, who hadn’t relieved himself since leaving the palace, emerged from the woods with a satisfied shout. No doubt that grand old tree shared his relief.

The carriage was parked at the roadside, letting the horses graze, and everyone went to the nearby river to bathe—except for Yin Chan, who stayed behind to look after the horses.

“Why aren’t you going?” Ming Tian pinched the bridge of his nose to clear his head.

Yin Chan sat idly on a large stone, twirling a twig in her hand. “They’ve all gone to bathe. There are only two places nearby suitable for it.”

“You could go with An Luo and the others…”

“Hm?” Ming Tian blurted out without thinking, earning a sharp glance from Yin Chan, and only then realized he had misspoken.

Indeed, Yin Chan was the most unfortunate of all in this time-travel fiasco. If you called her a man… her body was female, so she couldn’t bathe with An Luo and the others. If you called her a woman… letting her bathe with her beloved Lady Junzhu would be a disaster—Ming Tian would absolutely tear her apart.

“Uh… sorry.”

“No matter. One can’t blame the government for a hard life, nor society for bad luck.”

“Still, you don’t seem to be in the best of spirits.”

“I’m having my period. Cramps.”

“…”

With that simple exchange, Ming Tian didn’t linger. He picked up his change of clothes and headed to where An Luo and the others were bathing, intending to wash up as well.

Time travel—especially group time travel—really throws history into chaos. Ming Tian discovered, just as he suspected, that the Lady Junzhu’s silky hair was thanks to Zhao Yu inventing soap! Whether Zhao Yu was a time traveler herself, Ming Tian neither knew nor cared. Even if she was, she was probably one of those who had fully adapted to this era, no different from a native. So it didn’t matter.

Following the path, Ming Tian approached the shallow stream. As he drew nearer, he began to hear some strange sounds.

“Hahahaha… ahahahaha!”

“Come chase me, An Luo! Hahaha!”

“Haha, Old Chen, give me back my soap!”

These were sounds impossible to capture in words—chilling, sending shivers right down to one’s core, so unsettling it felt as if one's muscles would tear.

Gulp.

Arriving at the stream, Ming Tian, sensing something was amiss, braced himself and parted the leaves to peer towards the water.

The instant the scene before him entered his eyes…

What did I just see?

In the stream, seventeen guards and An Luo—eighteen men in all—were doing something that nearly blinded Ming Tian on the spot! He couldn’t tear his eyes away!

An Luo’s ten-pack abs were impressive, and while some of the others weren’t as strong as him, their muscles were even more explosive—so much so that it seemed their abs were growing right onto their faces! In ancient times, people didn’t cut their hair, so all eighteen men had flowing locks, frolicking and splashing in the water! What a breathtakingly beautiful sight…

The one closest to Ming Tian emerged from the water, flicking his hair back like a shampoo commercial, sending sparkling droplets arcing through the air.

An Luo and three others chased each other in the water, their faces glowing with “happiness,” laughing heartily.

Eight men formed a circle, helping each other scrub their backs. One even slapped another’s bottom, producing a clear, resounding smack.

The remaining five struck poses in the sunlight, comparing whose muscles were more impressive.

Ming Tian felt blood trickle from his eyes as he witnessed the scene!

Heavens above! Eighteen muscle-bound men! If you brought them to the modern world, Arnold wouldn’t even get a job! Don’t be so… overwhelmingly flamboyant!

I remember Zhao Yu and Yin Chan gave each of you a bar of soap—why are you all sharing one?

Eighteen men, so flamboyant—are you forming a Northern and Southern Dynasties boy band? If so, I’ll name you Shaolin’s Eighteen “Piercers”!

No, I can’t watch anymore—I’m going to suffer internal injury! I won’t bathe!

Just the sight was enough to make Ming Tian’s head ache, and he couldn’t help but imagine what would happen if he tried to join them in the river.

A tender daisy swaying in the wind, suddenly, eighteen battering rams descend like artillery, smashing the daisy to pulp, not even a trace left! How cruel!

Just as Ming Tian was about to retreat and skip the bath, disaster struck!

Suddenly, the man who stole An Luo’s soap slipped, and the bar shot out of his hand, landing in the water.

This particular man was a bit effeminate, and immediately struck a pose, speaking in an even more affected voice: “Oh dear, what a mishap! The soap Miss Zhao Yu gave us has dropped—what should we do?”

“You fool, how could you waste Miss Zhao Yu’s kindness!”

“Why say that now? Everyone, hurry and fetch the soap!”

The men shouted and surged towards the spot where the soap had fallen.

Ming Tian was to the east, the men in the center, and the soap to the west. So, all eighteen stood, backs to the east, and as if rehearsed, bent over, heads submerged to search for the soap—eighteen backsides presented in perfect view to Ming Tian.

“Pfft…” Ming Tian spat out a mouthful of blood.

Ahhhhh!!! My eyes! What have I seen?! My poor eyes, I’m going blind!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!!

I need to gouge them out! Where’s my knife?! If not a knife, at least a spoon!

In that moment, An Luo and several others, apparently unable to find the soap and growing anxious, spread their legs wide like frogs…

The sight made Ming Tian feel as if his corneas were about to shatter!

Heavens, what did I do to deserve this? Why must my eyes suffer so much?!

Turning away, Ming Tian felt possessed by the spirit of Bolt, sprinting through the woods at twenty kilometers per hour!

This isn’t right! I’m certain—this is the corner of a female-targeted web novel! No wonder nothing follows the usual script!! These flamboyant men are clearly my potential love interests!

I don’t want this! No! Nooooo!!!!

Ming Tian screamed like a slaughtered pig, tearing through the forest!

Hell! Damn it, I’ve seen hell!

Where to run? Who knows!

Ming Tian had long forgotten which way was which.

Then, as he was fleeing, he stepped into empty air, his body growing light—he hadn’t noticed the slope ahead, lost his balance, and tumbled down!

The world spun. Luckily, the slope wasn’t too steep, and after rolling seven or eight times, he suddenly felt a chill, water enveloping him.

Ming Tian had fallen into the river.

“Ugh!” He surfaced, realizing he had landed in a different river.

This river was lower, deep within the woods, surrounded by leaves blocking the sky, almost no sunlight—so dim that though it was broad daylight, fireflies dancing by the stream were the only source of light.

Before him was a small waterfall, four people wide and over three meters high, the river’s source. With the surrounding scenery, it was almost a hidden paradise.

But…

“Your Lordship…”

“Ah!! Young Master Ming Tian, you…”

A familiar voice sounded from behind.

Just as Ming Tian was relieved to have escaped the muscle-bound threat, he sensed an even greater danger lurking—one worse than eighteen “piercers.”

For those voices belonged to Xiao Xin Zhu and Zhao Yu.

Thunderstruck! A sign of divine punishment to come.

Stiffly, Ming Tian turned, his face blank with confusion.

Behind him, Xiao Xin Zhu and Zhao Yu stood, both completely naked, faces filled with terror as they stared at him.

He’s doomed…

Ming Tian felt his life was about to end.

Blood began to drip from his nose.

……………………