Seventy-Three: This Is the Typical Plot of an Anime (Part Two)-If There’s No Gourmet Food in Ancient Times, I’ll Become the God of Cuisine(Burial of Myriad Splendors)

"Uh… I… ah… well… I…" Ming Tian felt as though his eyeballs were about to roll out of their sockets.

What is this? What am I seeing? Just moments ago, I glimpsed hell—now is this heaven? Is this the day I experience one of those clichéd, ridiculous scenarios myself?

Scattered fireflies drifted about, and the tranquil forest behind provided the perfect backdrop, elevating the two flawless works of art before him to a realm of fairy-like beauty.

Snow-white hair and crimson eyes, a river clear as crystal—Xiao Xinzhu’s dazzlingly pale, graceful figure and curves, under this setting, seemed as enchanting as an elf from a fantasy play. Her proud, alluring bosom drew the eye, her hips—slightly broader than her shoulders—were especially enticing, and her fair cheeks, upon seeing Ming Tian, shifted from astonishment to embarrassed shyness.

Beside her, Zhao Yu was no less striking! Though her looks couldn’t compare to the stunning beauty of Xiao Xinzhu or Pan Yunü, she certainly surpassed Yin Chan and could be considered a delicate, refined maiden. Her not-yet-matured figure was like a crisp green apple—small, unripe, and tempting one to reach out and savor, all the while perfectly setting off Xiao Xinzhu’s charm.

Two beauties, six points of allure, all laid bare before him!

"Pfft…" Within just two seconds, blood spurted uncontrollably from his nose like an open faucet.

Ah… I can’t… I’m losing too much blood! No! I can’t faint! I have to see this! How many men have longed for a moment like this? This is the ultimate blessing for countless underdogs—forget about three years’ worth of luck, even a firing squad would be worth it for this!

The sight was simply too beautiful—yes, in the truest sense! Ming Tian’s gaze was utterly transfixed.

After a two-second daze, both girls’ jade-like faces flushed bright red.

Almost simultaneously, Xiao Xinzhu and Zhao Yu let out startled cries, each covering their three points of modesty, and with a splash, crouched down into the water!

But the water was just too damn clear, making it seem as if nothing had really changed; the scene only became more tantalizing in its haziness.

You’re hardly hiding anything at all! Are you testing my imagination or what?!

"Marquis! What are you doing?!"

Well, what do you think?

"Young Master Ming Tian! How could you do this?!"

If only you knew this wasn’t my intention, but fate’s cruel jest! Yes, it must be destiny forcing me to witness this.

Their bashful charm only grew more irresistible, and Ming Tian felt as though his heart would burst past a thousand beats per minute.

After enduring the trial of the Eighteen Bronze Men, his eyes were now truly purified, and Ming Tian felt as if he might ascend to the heavens.

What was with that weirdo from before? This is how a transmigrator’s story should unfold! Just like how nine out of ten anime series have at least one obligatory swimsuit episode—this is the proper way! Being part of this scene is simply exhilarating beyond words.

Ah… I can’t… I’m going to faint! I’ve reached my limit!

The rapid switch between such extreme scenes was just too much. Ming Tian’s eyes rolled back as he passed out.

Before completely sinking into unconsciousness, through his dimming vision, he saw Xiao Xinzhu, upon noticing he was about to faint, momentarily forget her embarrassment and rush over in concern.

"Marquis, what’s wrong? Marquis!"

In the final second, he caught one more glimpse of everything and flashed a classic mischievous grin before fainting, wholly content.

Ah… let me die… I have no regrets in this life…

…

He had no idea how much time had passed when a sliver of oval light pierced his darkness.

Ming Tian awoke. The blue sky above was blinding, but to his right, he saw something perfectly white… a breast.

He recalled what had happened in the water.

Could it be that I was only unconscious for a moment? Is the princess giving me a lap pillow… in the nude?

His heart raced.

Being a man, Ming Tian naturally harbored some unwholesome thoughts.

"Ah… I’m going to faint again. I can only get up if I touch the beautiful lady’s chest," he mumbled groggily, then rolled over and—smack—grabbed that breast!

Hahaha! My future bride, if you give me such an opportunity, don’t blame me for taking advantage! Haha… Wait, what? This doesn’t feel quite right?

Ming Tian realized—this breast… was awfully hard!

Why didn’t it feel like a breast at all? More like a rusty cannonball?

Suddenly, the carriage hit a stone, jolting everyone inside.

Wait? I’m in a carriage?

That can’t be! My future bride suffers from albinism and can’t be exposed to sunlight, much less be topless here. So then…

Ming Tian’s vision slowly cleared from his daze.

He turned his head and saw Yin Chan, Zhao Yu, and Xiao Xinzhu—fully armored—staring at him. Xiao Xinzhu’s expression was hidden by her helmet, but Yin Chan and Zhao Yu’s eyes were wide as cowbells.

Their expressions suggested they’d just witnessed the strangest thing in the world.

The only three girls were right in front of him, which meant—

Ming Tian’s heart stopped, and his eyes widened in alarm as he realized the situation.

"Ming… Ming Tian, please don’t…" A bashful voice drifted down from above.

With a creak, he slowly turned his stiff neck to look up.

There was An Luo, the only man in the group with a habit of going shirtless, face flushed and unable to meet his gaze.

And the hand Ming Tian was clutching wasn’t his future bride’s soft peaks at all—it was An Luo’s bulging pectorals!

So it was An Luo giving me a lap pillow?!!!

"Stop… Let go, it tickles," came the gruff voice, paired with lines that didn’t fit at all. Ming Tian had squeezed so hard, An Luo was nearly out of breath.

The scene brought to mind the bizarre version of Nezha from some over-the-top comedy.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

Why?! Why must this damned musclehead be my lap pillow?! My stomach… my heart hurts! Why?!

"Ugh!!!"

Like a madman, Ming Tian staggered to the edge of the carriage and, as his cardia relaxed, vomited everything he’d eaten yesterday, today, and even the cookies he’d once made for his father and Magistrate Yue.

Just kill me! End it now!

Mother! I don’t want to live anymore!

In Yangzhou city, Ming Tian sobbed and retched beside the carriage, drawing countless curious glances.

"Sister Yin Chan," Zhao Yu sidled up and whispered, "Is the marquis always like this?"

"Yes, he’s always like this—never serious, always doing foolish things, a chatterbox, embarrassing himself, unlucky, and quite lecherous, but you get used to it."

Yin Chan watched Ming Tian’s tearful vomiting, the corners of her lips curving into a faint smile.

It was a smile of approval.

"Because, when it really matters, this marquis is more reliable than anyone!"

…

Ahem, a little bit of fanservice—please accept it, dear readers. Thank you all.